I'm an actor, writer, comedian, Octomom, Jennifer Aniston, and other searchable terms. I perform at UCB, I'm a member of Dutch West, and started Very Mary-Kate. Please note: this is a dot net site, not a dot com. The other Elaine Carroll is a flutist who does birthday parties. She does mine every year and she's excellent.

This is me at the age of 15 or 16 after getting a perm.  This was not the first ill-adviced hair decision of my youth (nor was it the last). I grew up in Richmond, Virginia.  Most of my childhood was spent playing Mario, watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000, and making tree forts in the woods.  I caught the acting bug in 1st grade when my class put on a production of “The King and I”.  I did a bunch of plays and musicals, and was voted “Most Likely To Be on Broadway” by my senior class.  Whenever I run into anyone from high school, I tell them I’m playing the role of AIDS in “Rent”.  Please help me maintain this lie. I got my BFA at Marymount Manhattan College because they gave me a bunch of money.  I graduated Magna Cum Laude (that’s Latin for 4.0, bitches), which wasn’t too hard considering I was an Acting major and most of my classes required me to role around on the floor pretending to be a primate.  While in college, I caught the comedy bug, which quickly turned into a serious infection with the formation of my first comedy group, Dutch West.  I started taking classes and performing at UCB where I’m part of the house team “Gramps”. Now I’m living in Brooklyn with my boyfriend, my cat, and a serious amount of love and gratitude.  Also, my hair isn’t permed anymore.

This is me at the age of 15 or 16 after getting a perm.  This was not the first ill-adviced hair decision of my youth (nor was it the last).

I grew up in Richmond, Virginia.  Most of my childhood was spent playing Mario, watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000, and making tree forts in the woods.  I caught the acting bug in 1st grade when my class put on a production of “The King and I”.  I did a bunch of plays and musicals, and was voted “Most Likely To Be on Broadway” by my senior class.  Whenever I run into anyone from high school, I tell them I’m playing the role of AIDS in “Rent”.  Please help me maintain this lie.

I got my BFA at Marymount Manhattan College because they gave me a bunch of money.  I graduated Magna Cum Laude (that’s Latin for 4.0, bitches), which wasn’t too hard considering I was an Acting major and most of my classes required me to role around on the floor pretending to be a primate.  While in college, I caught the comedy bug, which quickly turned into a serious infection with the formation of my first comedy group, Dutch West.  I started taking classes and performing at UCB where I’m part of the house team “Gramps”.

Now I’m living in Brooklyn with my boyfriend, my cat, and a serious amount of love and gratitude.  Also, my hair isn’t permed anymore.

Little Known Elaine Carroll Facts

My first concert was Third Eye Blind, Eve 6, and Seven Mary Three.  Did it rule?  You better believe it ruled.  It was 9th grade.  It was also my first mosh pit.  It was also the first time a boy touched my boobs.  I’m pretty sure it was accidental.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a paleontologist or a nun.  The first because dinosaurs were cool, and the second because boys were gross.  I have since changed my opinion about boys, but my opinion about dinosaurs remains the same.

I have never in my entire life ever wanted to wear a wedding dress.

I tested for “SNL”, “The Daily Show”, and “I Love You, Man”.

Doritos smell like puke to me.

Nine times out of ten, I’ll pick the vanilla cupcake over the chocolate one.

I was left back in the first grade because I’m dyslexic.

When I was a kid, I played the cello and the clarinet but stopped because I wanted to be cool.  Now I can’t think of anything cooler than being able to play the cello and the clarinet.

I love astronomy and physics.

I get a lot of questions about my name.  People wonder whether they should pronounce Elaine with a long E or a short E.  Both pronunciations are correct, and I have no preference.

I almost drowned a bunch of times.

I totally, completely, and unpretentiously love yoga.  I’m not even that good at it, I just love it.

I wrote my first piece of comedy writing in Mrs. Twilley’s 6th Grade English class in 1994.  We were learning about limericks.  This was mine…

There once was a man named OJ,
Who got really angry one day.
So he got out his knife,
And killed his ex-wife,
And left behind some DNA.

I knew that if I read it to the class, I’d get in trouble.  But I thought, fuck it, this is gold.  So I read it and it killed.  I regret nothing.

Me as a toddler carrying my “Rainbow Bright” Doll.  I watched “Rainbow Bright” religiously, carried the doll with me everywhere, and if you tried to take it away from me, I would give you this look - I call it “The Baby Elaine Look of Death”.

Me as a toddler carrying my “Rainbow Bright” Doll.  I watched “Rainbow Bright” religiously, carried the doll with me everywhere, and if you tried to take it away from me, I would give you this look - I call it “The Baby Elaine Look of Death”.